just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
