Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
