He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
