I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
