She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
