the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
