Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
