It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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