Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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