the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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