Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
