Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
