You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
