I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
