I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
