She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
