I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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