i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
