On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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