I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
