when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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