Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
