her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
