I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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