Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
