If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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