a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
