if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
