can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
