If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
