So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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