I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
