No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
