he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
