Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
