Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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