Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
