Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
