Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
