that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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