honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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