Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
