If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think I sprained my soul last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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