May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
