I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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