I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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