Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
