I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
