Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
