it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Still dying that you shit outside
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
