Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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