I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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