my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
