I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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